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tlblase

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A fortunate one	[Nov. 9th, 2009\|02:36 pm]
One of my friends Chris and I have this argument. “Tara, you are an optimist.” “No, I am not, I am a realist” is generally how I tend to respond. The thing is we are both in a strange way right. Why am I contemplating this you ask? Well, as many of you know I lost someone dear to me on Saturday and after many alcohol induced conversations, half of which I can’t remember (my apologies to you all now) it got me thinking. So here’s the thing, there are times when I when I am a pessimist (and I guess on Saturday, bitter, Sorry Dave). As much as I know we all have our own “crosses” to bear at times mine have felt beyond overwhelming. In part, because I don’t want place that burden on anyone else (insert any health example you want), and in part, because for a large portion of my life, there was no one else to shoulder the events in my and my family’s life. Sure, do I need to shoulder all those “things” now? No, but old habits die hard…what can I say. So most days I feel lucky, I don’t take for granted the air I breathe or the time I get with people. But there are times when it’s a struggle to not rail, to not be throw a pity party, and go “seriously, what next?!”. But those times generally pass quickly, most often without people noticing, and I return to feeling fortunate for what I have in life. For instance, right now I feel blessed that I got to go home for a week in October. Losing Deb makes me all the more glad that I did go home to catch up with as many of my family and friends as possible. I also know I am lucky girl, because in the middle of a heartbreaking Iowa loss, I had friend after friend give me a hug and ask what they can do. I had friends who stayed late to keep me company, who called, and one who didn’t kick me out of their place after I finally broke down. So while Saturday was a heartbreaking day that hurt like hell, leaving me with at times a bitter taste in my mouth, I know I am fortunate to have each and every one of you to help me remove that aftertaste. Thank you.
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Resistance is Futile	[Nov. 6th, 2009\|07:44 am]
Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile." • I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity • Update your journal with the answers to the questions • Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions Questions from sometimesdee 1. Where's your ideal place to live? Right where I am-NYC. My dad probably said it best 3 months after I moved here "you're not moving back are you?" Nope. NYC fits my personality and has all the things I love to do. Now, if I could just get rid of my car it would be perfect. 2. What's the deal with the Iowa games? Hmm-I dont know that I can explain it. Its kind of a perfect storm of things, but I would say at the end of the day my deal with it is i a) get to catch up with friends b) escape from reality/blow off steam and c) I am just a sports nut. If baseball season was shorter I would probably be just as bad with the Twins. 3. Why did you and your siblings all get the initials TLH? They are my dad's initials. Yeah, I have no clue why we all had to have the same initials as my dad-nobody else on either side of my family does it. Though I don't think my mom was quite prepared to name four kids with T names and still regrets letting my brother and I name my baby sister:) 4. When are you coming to NYC for some non-Iowa, non-work activities? Not quite sure, whenever Karan wants to get his tattoo. At the latest-Thanksgiving weekend. You and I definitely have to get together some time soon! It's been too long! 5. Any plans for more tats? I am sure you will not be surprised despite my assertions last Feb that I was inked enough but yes I have been contemplating. Thinking of a dream catcher.....Though of course, if I get one, it wont be where most people can see it.
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(no subject)	[Oct. 16th, 2009\|08:59 pm]
One week down-hopefully many more to go. I can safely say that my first week at my new company was a good week. My boss took 3, yes 3 days, to orient me to my job. Initially, I was thinking WTF but having gone through it I am nothing but grateful. I couldn't imagine starting at the company without it. I have also come to realize how much and why my new employer is such a juggernaut in my industry. Oh the resources! I am thee grateful. When I joined IME at over 2+ years ago I remember feeling overwhelmed, anxious, but relieved and happy. That feeling proved to hold well for my experience within the company-I have that same feeling so I hope it holds true again. Now its on to the work... Enough with that. Funny comments I have heard/par taken this past week. Enjoy:) All of the following thanks to my friend Vieng: In response to: My picking up numerous therapeutic areas including lung cancer, cystic fibrosis, and pulmonary arterial hypertension:i fully expect you to be at my beck and call for q's before morning rounds so i'm ready for pimping Stating how I have changed since I was 18 (when she and I first had a class together): you just get down-right cuddly in your mature years My new boss in response to my stating at the group meeting where I introduced myself that if they saw I was down on Monday its probably because Iowa lost: You realize some of us have no clue what you just said. My friend Tony on Sunday (as close as I recall): Based on our limited interactions since moving to NYC I would have to agree with your friends (on encouraging/being responsible for people getting drunk). My companies health monitor asking me the CAGE questions (ie, the are you an alcoholic questions) because yes that is what happens when you admit that you drink more than two drinks as a female once a week. Health monitor, do you know my aunt? I have another one from my health monitor one, but its a bit inappropriate for many people I am friends with on facebook. Plus, it might scare certain people away.
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Breaking up is hard to do...	[Oct. 8th, 2009\|11:35 am]
In the grand tradition of rjmoya several "dear x" letters: Dear Congress: Get off your asses and do something. In times of crisis one is suppose to RISE to the occasion and yet consistently the majority of you have demonstrated that you are a) incapable of making a decision for the greater good of the long-term welfare of this country, b) have little to no independent thought and c) more interested in getting reelected than sitting down and working on real change and compromise. The people sent you all a memo in 2006 and 2008. You know what it was: "I am hurting. I need your help. I want change ad real reform. Get off your asses and DO SOMETHING." In the past 2 yrs and 9 months you have instead consistently demonstrated that big business means more to you than the welfare of your constituents, are a party of crazies and no, and are open to ethical dilemmas that would get the rest of us fired from our jobs. Obama I am currently excluding you and a few others as I believe you are actually trying...but to all the republicans (excluding Collins and Snow) shame on you for trying to bring down Obama and get the majority back in 2010 rather than focusing on the American people. Most especially, Sens Thune and Grassley, I am a) ashamed that you come from my state and b) that I ever voted for you, respectively. I hope both of you go down in reelection. I say this as an independent who is a registered republican. Dear Bill Maher: I enjoy your show and often agree with you, but sometimes I wish you would check your facts or "see the light". Please note that people don't just become suicide bombers due to their fear/shame of sexuality. Also, what's up with condemning the swine flu vaccine?! The fact that a third of people already have unbased fears of it is concerning, did you really need to add to it? At this rate soon everyone will believe the well meaning Jenny McCarthy that vaccinations cause autism. Just for clarification -THEY DO NOT. The person who authored that data got censored this year for making all the data up. Dear Shoulder: seriously? seriously?! I gave you a solid week of doing nothing and then I spend one night at a bar watching the twins and you decide you have been overused? What did I ever do to you to deserve this, well, other than falling? Thanks to you I couldn't watch last nights twins game as planned or with any enjoyment (not that there was much to enjoy), had to super drug myself to be able to sleep, and now have fallen behind in my cleaning/must do laundry schedule. If I didn't need you, I would disown you. Dear Iowa D-line: After the Penn State game I promised Dave I would never utter a bad word about you again...so what do you go and do against Arkansas St...nothing, absolutely, nothing. Oh wait I take that back, you failed to block kicks, stop the run, and hold Arkansas at 3rd downs even when it was 3 and 17. I know, I know, you have to make up for Stanzi thinking that the opposing team is his a third of the time resulting in unanswered points but that is no excuse...if you don't come up big against Michigan that ragging may have to come back. Dear certain people I know: Let's get a few things straight. Religion is made by man and it is not infallible. It is a set of beliefs not proven fact. Evolution does NOT preclude god. Darwin, an agnostic (not atheist) did not preclude god in his book The Origin of Species, which by the way was written for lay people not scientists. Want more myths go here: http://www.uwgb.edu/dutchs/PSEUDOSC/Top10MythsEvol.HTM. Sexuality is not a preference-one would not choose to be gay, bi-sexual, or transgender. Nature has consistently shown us that homosexuality is natural and in fact is nature's own birth control method when populations get out of control. Our constitution does NOT preclude the exclusion of a minority because it disagrees with your religious preference. Oh and by the way, we live in a country that believes in the separation of church and state...that means no Jesus or Mohammad in schools or judicial systems. If you want that go live in Pakistan or Saudi Arabia and let me know how well that worked out for you. Lastly, global warming is real, happening now, and will continue to result in devastating effects...like many things in life sometimes you have to suck it up and do the hard, but right thing, not matter how much it hurts initially. Dear people against healthcare reform and a 3% increase in taxes: Here's my question-do you want a functional government? One that provides and sees after the welfare of this country and keeps us competitive or do you want us all to look like Detriot? If its the former then guess what you need to get behind healthcare reform and a tax increase. Look at what a decrease in taxes has done to this country in the last 8 yrs-our roads and bridges are falling apart, we believe in teaching to a test yet our children continue to fall further and further behind academically, they have become fat slobs who believe everyone is a winner, only a quarter of people have a college education and many will never be able to pay off their school debt, while a fifth of our country doesn't know what the meaning of adequate medical treatment means. I am not saying other countries are perfect but hey Norway is healthy and happy and they turn a hell of a lot of their money over to the government via taxes. I as a single woman have no problem paying more to make sure your child, your family receives all these things...so why do you? Dear Parents of Obese kids: Yes, your kids are fat. I know, I know only 40% of you believe it, but its true. Its not really surprising when one considers that most kids don't understand the meaning of physical exercise and think of french fry is a vegetable. If you want your kids to live past 15 without diabetes and/or coronary artery disease do us all a favor. Put down the snickers (in both of your hands), put down the remote, and interact with your kids. I know it can be hard at times, especially in this economy, but you will be amazed at what these little steps can do. Oh, and if you are one of the people against healthcare reform, calling Obama a marxist, or threatening to kill him because you believe Glen 'frickin" Beck...I am not paying for your care when you and your family get either of these or other chronic conditions.
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Vacation	[Oct. 7th, 2009\|12:17 pm]
According to webster a vacation is leisure time away from work devoted to rest or pleasure. Other than a few days with my sister and dad in St Maarten in April I haven't had a true vacation since probably my last trip to Vegas in 2005. Not that I haven't take time off but its always been for family gatherings/events which never seem to be very restful and leave me more tired than rested. So I decided that with the changing of jobs I should take an actual vacation. One that involved seeing all the family I have missed/neglected in the past several years and one that also involved me actually resting. Don't die of shock on the latter-although I am notorious for my ability to work and love working, even I have my limits...and when your internist and aunt both tell you, you look like crap, and you need to rest...its a sign. Even one, I captain oblivious can't miss:) So what follows is a quick rundown of my trip... Monday: Flew to Omaha to spend some quality time with my sister Tessa. For future reference to anyone who hurts their shoulder: train travel and trying to go through security with a dog is very difficult and painful. I don't want to repeat that experience again. But I made it and promptly collapsed into my sister's bed in her very large apartment. I love the city, but sometimes that much space and that nice of an apartment would be, well, nice. Tuesday: the one sunny day of my whole trip-seriously, the rest of the week was like i was visiting Seattle, cold and rainy. But while I had it the sun was nice. My sister and I just spent a lazy day meandering Omaha's parks with Maggie. I think Maggie starter her whole "I am in heaven" gaze as she received not only lots of loving from my sister but got to go off her leash and race in the park. That night my mom drove down to have dinner with my sister and I, and then take me back with her to Sioux Falls. I was worried it might be a long drive but thanks to my shoulder, it wasnt so bad. The bonus of my day-a dairy queen run. Yes, there are a few that are scattered around NJ but they just don't compare to the ones in the midwest. Mmm...snickers blizzard. Wednesday: Thanks to muscle relaxers Tues night/Wed morning was the first time I really slept since Saturday. And because my parents love my dog so much I literally never took my dog out once. My parents were seemingly always happy to take her out...to bad I don't have someone here to do that:) I take my comments about Tuesday being the only sunny day back-Wed was as well, which was nice since my dad and i drove an hour to see my grandma. It was good to see her but I swear she shrinks every time I see her. She really probably does considering she is almost 86 yrs old, but I still find it odd. I have to say it was weird going to the "restaurant" in Parkston, SD (pop <3000). I don't know quite how to describe it other than if one grew up in a big city its the type of place that would leave said person probably running for the door. But hey, besides the smoking inside the food was good-mmm fried chicken. And yes, with my dad making a stop in Dimock (pop 508), where my grandpa grew up, to buy me some cheese to take home to NYC this is where my "crap the weight I lost this summer is going to all be gained back in this one trip":) Of course, not to be forgotten is my dinner with my aunts and seeing my younger cousins. My cousin Autumn makes me proud and I am amazed at how level headed and sane she is for an almost 16 yr old. The only time I saw any resemblance to a teenager was when I asked about her getting a license. Thursday: This is when the cold and rain began and I realized I was officially screwed without a coat. So guess what I bought while I was in SD? yep, another coat. Thursday was jam packed which was a little difficult given how badly my shoulder hurt and the muscle relaxers leaving me feeling woolly. First up was lunch with my one of my aunts. It was good to see her though I worry about her and how much she is working (yes, I realize the irony). After lunch, I will admit I took a nap, and then proceeded to my old high school to see an old teacher and take a tour of the updated school. It really looks nothing like where I went to school-and wow-endless amounts of taupe! I did get a bit nostalgic and went and looked at the graduating class of 1997. And just for clarification as much as many of you say I haven't aged, trust me I don't look as young as my 18 yr old self:) After my reminiscing, my mom, two aunts, and I caught the movie Fame together. It wasn't great but it wasn't as horrible as all the reviews would lead one to believe. It was great to see both my aunts and see how well one of my godmothers is doing. I know sobriety has been a long fought battle for her and I am so glad to see her happy. Friday: Friday for me was extra special. I got to see two people I consider like grandparents for lunch-and the fact that they didn't know I was coming made it all the more enjoyable. If I am lucky enough to live to be 80 I imagine I will be a lot like Don-a wicked sense of humor and an inability to quit working. Don has retired more times than I have fingers. Now I think he has come to a sort of compromise where he is semiretired-takes three months off in the winter to go south and works the rest of the year. He always makes me crack up while reminding me of what is important in life. After lunch my mom and I did a little shopping and made a stop at dairy queen (don't judge me, it was only a cone!). My parents ended up going to listen to Former President Musharaf speak at my mom's college without me. I would have loved to have gone and listen to the man who staged a coup and suspended the judgicial system in Pakistan talk, but I was just too worn out. Saturday: It was off for another road trip-this time to Stillwater, MN to see my other godmother, godfather, uncle, cousin, and grandma. We did make a stop at the DQ on the way up for me. Yes, you are right, I went DQ overboard but since I won't be eating at one for probably another year, I think its ok...at least that is what I keep telling myself. After DQ we arrived at my grandma's and promptly sat down to watch the Twins and Iowa games. After our 'woohoo, the twins are still in it' moment we headed over to my godmother's for dinner, catching up, eating of my grandma's brownies and lazy-crazy bars, and a game of 500. It was soo good to see everyone and play 500. The game was pretty sad in terms of scoring but quite hilarious. A bunch of us ended up laughing until we started crying...always a good sign and a great way to end the night. Sunday: was my day to head back to NYC. But before I did we managed to fit in one more twins game viewing and a DQ run at the airport. It was so good to see all my family-I do wish they lived closer so I could see them more frequently but I guess that is what makes these sorts of trips all the more sweeter. Hopefully, several family members will come visit me in the next year. I know one of my godmother's is already planning to:) Going through the airport was a bit easier on the way back-my shoulder was a bit better and my parents helped as much as they could. Plus, I just caved and sucked up the taxi on my way home. I guess its a good thing I did since I arrived home to a flat tire. Ahh, the joys of car ownership. Hopefully, by this time next year I can either sell the thing or just leave it with my parents for a while. And so went my trip home. My resting week so far hasn't been one of much rest between errand running (see flat tire) and catching friends and the Twins game. But one really can't complain about a lack of laziness due to quality friend time. So thank you to each one of my family members and friends for spending the past two weeks with me. I appreciate it more than you can know.
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A needs assessment for iowa football viewing

[Sep. 25th, 2009|04:14 pm]

I often do this to assess the need for continued medical education. As a joke, I wrote this for a friend.

This ongoing needs assessment and review of University of Iowa college football viewing gaps have been identified by the following methods:

Review and analysis of abstracts, posters, and platform presentations from the 2009 Annual Meeting of the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) and the US Scholastic Band Association
An analysis of recent geographic, demographic, and clinical data on the University of Iowa college football fans
In-depth, ongoing discussions with hospital/academic-based and community-based University of Iowa Hawkeye Athletics and Alumni
An analysis of Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ), Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS), and the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations’ on the value of College Athletic Sports
A literature review of randomized trials and retrospective studies evaluating prior practice strategies for the implementation and management of Hawkeye football viewing

Review of available clinical guidelines for Hawkeye game viewing including the most recent updates by the New York Metro Iowa Alumni

Based on the information from these sources, the following educational needs and viewing practice gaps of sports fans targeted by this initiative include:

Football Practice Gap #1

Alumni adherence to guideline-recommended viewing of University of Iowa Hawkeye college football remains suboptimal.

o Impact: Alumni and fan failure to integrate the most up-to-date, evidence-based regimens of viewing into their weekend practices reduces optimal delivery of scoring information, which increases the risk fan dissatisfaction, inability to properly sing Iowa chant songs, and the need to grab a drink to “calm the nerves”.

Supporting Evidence

Available recreational and athletic programs often influence a student’s college choice.

o The University of Iowa under the influence of Hayden Fry has demonstrated a history of leadership and championship.

o Even on off seasons current students and alumni are known to pack Kinnick Stadium to capacity

College Football watching has been associated with:

o Reduced stress

o Joy, giddiness, and happiness

o Improved familial relationships

o Jubilant celebration (eg, Irish Car bombs)

In addition, University of Iowa alumni who continue to purse college football watching on a regular basis post-graduation have been known to develop close friendships that withstand the offseason (Jan-Aug) in contrast to many other types of friendships
Poor adherence to weekly University of Iowa Hawkeye football viewing has resulted in an inability to sing Iowa’s fight song and “In Heaven There is No Beer” as well as a loss in recall of Offensive (O)-line and Defensive(D)-line start names.
Unfortunately, many employers and family members fail to understand and do not support the need for continued college football watching leaving a significant percentage of fans struggling to find the opportunity and appropriate support for viewing

Comments from the Experts

A recent alumnus remarked, “My aunt did not attend the University of Iowa or a Big Ten School. Each Saturday she wonders where I disappear to and whether it’s absolutely necessary. When I tell her it is as necessary to me as breathing she just looks at me like I am crazy. Clearly, further education of alumni family members is needed to help family members understand the need for increased Iowa Hawkeye football viewing opportunities.”
Dr Bill Nauseef upon finding out that one of his graduate students was not a college or University of Iowa Hawkeye Fan remarked, “I guarantee that by the end of your degree we WILL make you an Iowa Hawkeye Fan.”
Many students, alumni, and parents remark on the benefits of watching Iowa Hawkeye Football together. A parent was heard to remark, “Before we hardly talked, now we play Iowa Football Toss, Flippy Cup, and are never afraid to break out the peppermint schnapps together on a cold day. I couldn’t ask for more.”

Additional Resources:

· http://www.hawkeyesports.com/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/091809aac.html

· http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/

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random

[Sep. 22nd, 2009|08:28 pm]

I need a break so here it is-yay yay i will have a break for the next two wks starting this friday...in the mean time

1. What time did you get up this morning?
2:55am the first time, 6:54 the second time. Haven’t been sleeping that well of late-can’t imagine why…

2. How do you like your steak?
Well-I know weird for a Midwesterner, but its partially dictated by my health

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Thinking…something in the summer..umm-“the hangover”??

4. What is your favorite TV show?
I don’t have one favorite-I love funny, dry, self-deprecating shows: HIMYM, The Big bang Theory, Castle without the character of Beckett and with the mother and daughter, Bones, The family guy, Countdown with Keith Olbermann…you get the picture

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
I like where I am living now-my dad commented within 3 months of moving here that I was never coming back (huh?) and I think its highly doubtful. This place with all its chaos and uncertainty suits me. But there are lots of places I would still like to visit.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
English muffin with PB and a cup of grapes

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Sadie’s or my grandma’s cooking…and I think Sadie’s counts a cuisine

8. What foods do you dislike?
anything with salmon

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Sadie’s!! Any place with good food-it can be a swanky restaurant or a whole in the wall-as long as its good, I am there.

10. Favorite dressing?
Ranch

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Chev Malibu Maxx

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Jeans

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Spain, back to Mexico, Italy and Greece, India, Japan…the list goes on

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Generally half empty but I am known to occasionally think half full

15. Where would you want to retire?
Hahaha-retire? I doubt I will ever retire just based on my nature…

16. Favorite time of day?
Late at night. I've always been a night owl.

17. Where were you born?
Sioux Falls, SD-yes, they have falls and no, we do not speak like the movie Fargo

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I have a sport for every seasonJ Right now its college football time and that is good because my Minnesota Twins are letting me down

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
No one because I am not tagging anyone

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
No one because I am not tagging anyone

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Meh

22. Bird watcher?
No-more of a people watcher.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Hahaha-morning and I do not get along. As anyone who knows me from grad school knows, my lab did not have lab meeting until 1030am because I and another person were incapable of showing up until 10am usually. On the other side-I was known for being in lab at midnight on Fri/Sat and 4am some days.

24. Do you have any pets?
Yes, my spoiled dog Maggie.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I am taking a two week break starting this Saturday and after that will be starting a new job. My mental and physical health will thank me for this.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Depended on the year. When I was little I was obsessed with cheerleaders (really), then I wanted to be an astronaut (challenger blew up), after which the diversity of sea life intrigued me (but then I found out everyone thought dolphins were cute so no jobs), so I fell into medicine. Really, its probably been the one science throughout that has intrigued me so it’s a good fit.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Running through the mud during a soccer match. I don’t think any of our parents were happy but it was hilarious seeing all 18 of us covered in mud.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
I like both

29. Are you married?
No, but contrary to many people’s thinking I am not anti-marriage, I am just anti getting married because society says so.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes, except for when I am reparking my car in the morning.

31. Been in a car accident?
Yes.

32. Any pet peeves?
Willful ignorance, always being late (without consideration of others)

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Pepperoni and mushrooms

34. Favorite Flower?
White roses

35. Favorite ice cream?
Rocky road

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Baja Fresh and they are opening one in NYC!

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Once.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
An old labmate

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
None-I could never bring myself to max out a credit card. However, if I had endless amounts of money, Borders or B&N and I would be fast friends

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
No-been too burned out to think of even the word spontaneity

41. Like your job?
I love the field I am in-despite Sen Grassley’s misguided and misunderstood ranting, I feel what I do is important to people’s, including mine, healthcare

42. Broccoli?
sure, especially if you add cheese

43. What was your favorite vacation?
It would be a toss up among several. One of my recent favorites was with my dad and sister in St Thomas.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Went out with my friend Karan last night. It makes me sad to think of him being half a world a way-he is one of my besties.

45. What are you listening to right now?
people talking

46. What is your favorite color?
Based on the clothes in my closet-Blue and Black.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
4 with another in the planning stages…yes, I have a problem.

48. Coffee Drinker?
No, but I do need caffeine-hello tea

49. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
None

50. What time did you finish this quiz?
in time enough

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(no subject)	[Sep. 14th, 2009\|09:59 pm]
Signs I still have a fever and an infection-took the codine cough syrup the doctor gave me a half an hour ago and my temperature has dropped a degree. I am still also insanely tired. A bit worried I have mono again...why body why??
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(no subject)	[Aug. 30th, 2009\|11:16 pm]
got some sad news-my aunt's ALS is getting worse fast...treasure every day folks
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a random poem	[Aug. 13th, 2009\|10:08 pm]
So in moving I found this random piece of paper that i had written a poem on-before i lose said paper and because it felt a little appropriate...here is the poem (now i didn't say what quality it was:) ) There it is my soul No place for you to be The silence has stretched Until insanity begins The edge to near The line to thin Soon a step You will take The fall more pleasant The mind more scattered Until the truth path Lay forgotten Cluttered Deserted Once here the way back Cannot be
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A post, a post-

[Aug. 11th, 2009|07:39 pm]

Yep, after a long hiatus I am writing an actual post. While I could write about all the political or world events going on-and oh you know I have an opinion-my first post in a long time will not be about such things. Instead it will be about family, that’s right I said family.

As many of you know family is very important to me. My siblings come before anyone else in my life (sometimes to the determinant of relationships) and my brother accuses me of adopting everyone (not true-for instance you couldn’t pay me to adopt Former President Bush or current Senator Grassley). Family and friends (and close friends are family) mean everything to me. They bring joy, laughter, and like so many things in life, heartache as well. The past year has been filled with a lot of heartache for many of my friends and family. I personally have been struggling with certain relationships, trying to find a middle ground, not fix everything, etc, etc. Still I am constantly reminded that I am lucky, that without these relationships my life would be so empty. And yet with that realization comes sadness because I miss so many of my family and friends-I miss being able to see them on a regular basis, be at major events in their lives, reach out and given them a hug or grab a glass of wine. So that is why the following two events have meant so much to me.

Two weeks ago, my brother flew out to visit me and help me move. I will admit, and many of you already know, I was a stressed out (insert your euphemism) girl with trying to move with all that is going on in my life right now. Insert my brother- my brother came to help, came to visit despite our recent foibles, because that’s what our family does. And then that Sunday, we met up with our dear cousin Kevin for dinner, despite the fact that he was also in the process of moving. Again, because that’s what we do-family, no matter how extended is important. Does it get any better than that? Ok, maybe it does, but not much in my book. Yeah, could I have managed my way through the weekend without my brother? Sure-but damn did it help to have him there. A special shoot out to all my friends who came to help me move as well. I hope our visit started to right our relationship-I know that Monday it hurt to see him go and man did it drive home how much I miss my family-my siblings, my aunts, grandmothers, adopted parents, my college roommates, you get it. Most of the time I feel lucky to be living in NYC and enjoying the life I do, but there are times I wish I had the time to just take a road trip to Iowa, Minnesota, Nebraska, Colorado, Texas, and New Mexico to see those I care about, hug them in person, you know do the things I use to do when we all lived so close together. So now I am scheming ways to visit as many people as I can over weekends-because I need that to make me happy. I need Iowa football too, but that is a different postJ

The other thing that got me thinking about family was a conversation I had with a dear friend. I think so many of us take for granted the ability to have children, even if we ourselves never plan on actually having that in our future. For me personally, its neither here nor there, for a lot of reasons, but a central one being that I have been strongly encouraged to never get pregnant due to my multiple health concerns. Or as an old college roommate told me “I will come and kill you myself if you ever get pregnant”. Its interesting the response I get-the predominant one tends to be “I am so sorry” why? Its not that I don’t value the ability to have kids, but to me family isn’t blood-there are many kinds of family and often the most important family is the one you make. But as I was talking to my friend I did feel sadness and grieve, not for me, but for the people, some friends included, that struggle to have children, to create their own family. How it must hurt them each time they hear a friend or family member has conceived or added to their family, as they continue their own struggle.

So I guess my post is-I love my family. I love my friends. I am grateful each and every single day for each of you being in my life. And with that horribly sentimental, squishy thought I will end this post.

I promise the next public post will be on something “less squishy”

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(no subject)	[Aug. 9th, 2009\|08:26 pm]
Lots to write but I am so tired I can barely put one word in front of the other. I am watching boy interrupted and I cannot recommend it enough in understanding mental illness and its fallout. I am getting another migraine-two in 3 days. I guess I have to up the preventative medicine a full 50 mgs...sigh. Only 50 mgs then before I hit the ceiling and another night of feeling wooly. I promise I will write an actual post about stuff soon...really...
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Soap Box One: Science	[Jun. 11th, 2009\|01:46 pm]
As many of you know I have a long list of soap boxes and pet peeves. I own both just as I own my faults (yes, I do cop to being overly judgmental at times but that is getting off track). My quoting of Sen Spector, one of the few congressmen who has continually fought on behalf of the NIH, and my recent discussions on evolution got me thinking…so here is a bit of food for thought and perhaps boldly judgmental statements. • We all take for granted modern medicine yet so few Americans realize the number of hours, of days, of years of people’s lives it takes to find ONE new therapy for a condition. People scream about the cost of medicine failing to realize that by requiring multiple year studies on thousands of people, let alone the research and development to get to that stage that one drug may require hundreds of millions of dollars to bring to marker. Yes, pharma is out to make a buck, but it turns out most of the people who worked on that drug were not, from the lowly technician, to researcher, to physician-most of them had only one goal in common-getting you better. Don’t fail to compensate those people for their hard work cause you think pharma is “evil” ( the rest )
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finding grace	[May. 26th, 2009\|01:03 pm]
I know I have been long on the this is the random ass shite I did this past week and short on the introspection of late. Oh I can hear some of you laughing now-ok the introspection comes in fits and bursts and the rest of the time its just random crap postings I will admit. On my last day before starting a new job I wanted to highlight some of the things I feel lucky to have in my life. Because its top of mind-I love that I have a family that will round robin/mass email people about politics and religion. Granted I started this one, but there was no name calling, rather a simple discussion-what do you think of this or this person's statements. A lot of people can't do that, at times my family can't either, but its nice when you can, no? Keeping with the family theme-I am lucky and grateful to have family that is both near and dear to me. A lot of people don't have much connection with their extended families these days-by choice or necessity and I feel fortunate that I have a cousin and an Aunt in the relative vicinity. A cousin that doesnt mind inviting family out to a bbq or helping his cousin move (yet again) and an aunt that calls to check how her niece is doing. Neither of them do these things because they have to and for that-well, one couldn't wish for more. Making it through this past month without my body completely crashing-we all know my body could rival some 60-70 year olds. Yet, some how I have made it through to starting a new job without ending up at the doctor's or hospital. Granted I am tired. It was pretty sad this weekend when every day I was so tired by 11pm it was an effort to push through to hang out with people, but I will take that every day of the week-because I miss my friends and family. They are as integral to me as breathing air. So thank you body for not going completely to the crapper and allowing me to spend time with those I care about. I have awesome friends. Friends that ask how can they help, friends that offer to help me move yet again, friends that use their connections to try and help land me a job. Seriously, people give NYers crap for being "cold" but I have yet to experience that. So to each of you-thank you. Being a Knight and Hawkeye. OG wasn't my favorite place-that may have had to do with my life at the time or feeling like an alien in high school (though I guess who doesn't) and Iowa certainly wasn't my idea of where I would head to grad school no matter its scientific reputation-it was iowa! Still, each of these places has left me endowed with connections and friends that will last me a life time. I guess the unexpected is often the best. Having a job-not just because it puts food on the table and a roof over my head. I am one of those weird people that needs to work. I think the conversation I had with Carissa says it best. Our conversation as best as I can remember-Carissa "Could we have enough money to just do this (people watch in nyc) every day?" Me "nope." Carissa "Yeah, you wouldn't be able to do it every day. You need to stay busy." So as apprehensive as I am about starting a new job (Very), I am grateful for the chance to go back to being busy and trying to not become the workaholic that is so in my nature. A Thury Liver-oh this one is just for giggles, but still its nice to have a high alcohol threshold. Plus, its just funny to hear people ask how the heck I am still sober and having the fact that I am related to my cousin explain everything to people. Yes, I used a list form again and certainly this does not entail all that I have realized I am lucky to have...but its good I think to take the time to realize how much each of us, myself especially, have in their lives to be happy and grateful for. So to each of you thank you-I am lucky to have you in my life.
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How Spiritual Are You?

[May. 23rd, 2009|06:09 pm]

You Are Super Spiritual

You are in touch with the world around you, and you find peace in connecting with others.
You believe that every life is special and that every life has a purpose.

You value harmony and understanding. You try not to judge, bicker, and fight.
As simple as it sounds, you truly think it's important to make the world a better place.

How Spiritual Are You?

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the week in review

[May. 19th, 2009|11:01 pm]

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Sorry its been a bit and this update probably won't do this past week justice but here it is in brief

Thursday: a crazy but I thought good-interesting interview. Train got delayed, couldn't get connected to company to let them know I was running late-first person i was suppose to interview with was out sick and they rearranged my interview schedule so no one knew who or when i was suppose to interview with. Follow up: complete 2 (yes, 2!) writing samples/tests by Tuesday. Sounds like a lot of time but really isn't when you consider what i had planned.

I then met my friend Becky for drinks and dinner-its great to hang out with her as we always have interesting and thought provoking conversations. Went home, worked on finishing another writing test from a previous interview, packed, and then it was friday morning.

Friday: went to the airport at 4am...by that time I had been up 21 hours straight. Off to Omaha for Tes' graduation. Arrived, turns out weather.com was incorrect it will be 67 not 76 so I made a run to Target for a long sleeve shirt. Then, found out my sister had two not one ceremonies so off to Banana for something appropriate to wear. Then lunch, where once again my mother tried to leave less than 15% tip, then off to ceremony...3 hrs long! so my sister, brother and i played trivia pursuit on her phone...my brother won by default. 1130pm-finally made it to bed for the first time since thursday morning.

Saturday: Crazy hectic morning-my baby sister asks to curl my hair (i know you are thinking don't i get stuff to weigh it down-yes)...I end up with Miss Texas hair that does start to calm down 4 hrs later. My favorite comment by my sister-I didn't think your hair would take the curl so well...hmmm....and then on to the offical graduation where i proceed to read two scientific papers for second writing test. Afterwards, just us sibs grab a drink...it was nice-like having my brother back. It felt natural and unstifled-just remembering funny stories and good times. Then off to dinner with all the family and celebratory drinks with my sister and two of my brother's friends. Highlight of the evening-probably a 21-22 yr old saying to my sister and i: are you ladies as smart as you look? because you look like elves of wisdom. See facebook status for my other favorite comment from my grandma. Touche grandma, touche.

Sunday: Up at 7am to prepare to fly back to NYC. Have breakfast with my aunt, grandma, and parents. Forget to wish my grandma an early happy birthday. My mom then proceeds to freak out because my heart is having a few issues again. Grab the plane, get sentamental...go home and work until 2am on writing test.

Monday: Rest up, wish my grandma a happy birthday...forget to wish Karan a happy birthday. I am the worst friend ever! Finish second writing test at 1am. Crash at 2am after looking at apartments on craigslist. Guess who will probably be asking her cousin (again) and Karan to help her move?

Tuesday: receive oral job offer-probably going to take it, waiting on written job offer (was suppose to receive it tonight...paranoid i am). Friday is D day! Found out a family friend, who has been like a grandpa to me over the years, died in an automobile accident. Brother called and told me "he would love me no matter what" huh? My head is topsy turvy-i am filled with bittersweet sentiment. A part of me would like nothing more than to lie down and not get back up.

So that is my week-i didn't touch on everything. I definitely don't know what life will bring in the next months. I have so many things to process but truthfully in light of today's events its hard to process anything...

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and so it ends...	[May. 1st, 2009\|04:20 pm]
And so my time at IME ends. I won't pretend that I wasn't a mess (for me) I did cry...and poor Nimish didn't know how to respond when I did. I am trying to be positive that I will a) find something soon and b) be lucky enough to find people who I not only enjoy working with but become friends with (*excluding PA). I don't know what I could say that would explain how much my time there has meant to me or how much some of them understood me. So i left with my coworker's parting note to me " you are the embodiment of contrasts-youthful, but an old soul, serious minded and silly, super sensitive but blunt. Most importantly you're incredibly smart but not quite sure of your own potential. Be assured you've already begun to tap into it." Thank you one and all at IME for supporting, enabling, and understanding me...I will miss seeing you all every morning of each work day....
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st maarten random thoughts	[Apr. 28th, 2009\|08:01 pm]
Some random thoughts as I fly back home: 1. I read outlander while in St Maarten-dang you Reha it really is crack! As its part of a series I am obviously going to read the rest now. I highly recommend it if you are a girl-not so sure the guys would like it though I think the first book still might be worth it for them to read. 2. In the course of reading it the author commented about how we all build a fortress around our core essence…and how ultimately that can be both destroyed and rebuilt by ourselves and those around us. I not only identified with that statement but also was struck by it. I wonder if people realize how we can be stripped bare to the bone? ( the rest here )
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addiction to facebook	[Apr. 27th, 2009\|10:24 am]
I haven't been able to access facebook in 48 hrs...i can't stand this. Not responding to people...not posting pictures. Yeah, I admit I am addicted to facebook but i think there are worse things...
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St Maarten, et al	[Apr. 25th, 2009\|03:44 pm]
Thanks for the support guys. I do understand her point after talking with my coworker and my roommate who use to work in HR but as she said she wouldn’t know that unless she had worked in HR AND that basically the HR person did not read the introductory sentence but just saw the names and went oh I cut corners and go talk to that person. Sucks all the way around and miscommunication abounded which is funny all things considered as it’s a communication company. ( the rest here )
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